Redskull's Blog

Realization

Have I finally figured it out?
This thing called Life.

World Split in Half

Coming from a world of peace and tranquility
this rage of anger and hatred is unknown territory.
Causing a rift in myself.
Right is now blurred.
That line of good and evil is no longer drawn in the sand.
 Sifting through the unchecked emotions I find the source.
The once fallen princess.
The little lost girl I found so long ago.
She has grown into her womanhood.
Becoming the person of respect.
So why would she be at the center of it all?
Desperate actions.
While clawing her way out of the pit I found her in.
Choices were made and actions taken.
Things that should never have happen.
And as everything the past does not die.
I believe this path she is on will lead her back down that dark rabbit hole.
Back to the land of darkness.
But she has a field of force around her.
This ability to keep me out.
Do I save face and cut her out of myself?
Rip her from my heart.
Wish her the best and walk away.
Or do I keep her there and see her through this.

The old two are at battle again.
But this time I have no clue who is fighting for what. 

 

Can you light my path?

And I ask you universe.
Have you ever laid alone in your bed.
Waiting for one to lay with you.
Knowing they exists but powerless at finding them.
Feeling the comfort of their touch but only in your heart.
Almost as if they were laying beside you.
But having nothing to hold.

If you have shared this burden.
Then I beg of you.
Shine the light on her.
Guide my way.
Because I am only a mere human.
Easily lost in the woods.

Is this going to start again?

After all this time is it really going to come full circle?
Am I gonna be sitting in front of this blog again?
Writing this "drivel."
Spilling my insides everywhere while trying so desperatly to stay alive.
Can a single spark keep my light alive?
Or will that quick flash bring about pure darkness... 

Crunching Numbers

From 700 Facebook friends down to 60ish.

Not bad. But I still don't feel complete.

My roommate will be moving in come this weekend.

Maybe being held more accountable when I'm at home will make me better overall.

Maybe this feeling will eventually wash away.

I want to be creative again.

I want to fly again.

A Step in Some Direction

Removing people from Facebook that I never talk to, do not plan to talk to, or just don't care about their life.

Have already made it though A, B, C, D names.

This feels amazing. Like weights coming off my shoulders.

The hard part is gonna be the Ns cause of Gannon Girl.

But really I can't wait to get this all done.

Multiple Views

Sitting silent and alone I wait.

Clearing the mind and letting the silence wash over me.
I hear nothing.

I see what's in front of me.
I see beyond.

Another life.

Another time.

Am I crazy?

Is this insane?

Why am I cursed with this?

It's almost torturous.

Able to live in another's life for a short time.

Able to leave anything that I am going through.

But then get pulled back so quickly.

A second has but passed

The life I saw.

The life I felt is gone.

My true love but a blink.

My death but a whisper of a thought.

A life so much different than mine is just sand in the wind.

Night's have become restless and days have become tiresome.

I don't know what to do.

But I feel like i'm slipping.

Maybe...

To live would be an awfully big adventure.

Sometimes I Feel...

Empty.
When I'm sitting all by myself in my apartment.
Is it because I haven't been to church in a few weeks?
I use to feel full of wonder and excitement about the world.
Stare out of the window and just marvel at it all.
But lately my blinds stay closed and my apartment stays messy.
I had forgotten why I go to church but I think I'm realizing it now.
I wish it was Sunday.
Ugh I think I'm on the downslope of getting depressed again.
Maybe good times only last so long.
I need a friend.
But I am too stupid to ask for help.
Or go find one.

Or tell the truth.
So instead I just wallow in it and put up a facade to all of the people around me.

Why Can't I Sleep

Night 2 of not being able to sleep.
I feel like I use to.
I thought I was over this.